this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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