guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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