I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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