I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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