I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
