umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
