you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
