I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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