Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
