I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
