well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
