I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
