We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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