Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
