I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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