I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
