my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
