Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
