I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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