Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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