Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
