Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it was like eating out sand paper
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
