I accidentally had phone sex last night
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
