Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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