I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
