I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
