Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
