Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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