dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
