Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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