I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
