The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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