So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
