I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
