Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
