I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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