Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
