Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm really busy with my period
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