Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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