i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
