i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
