okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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