Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
