dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
