Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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