I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
