The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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