By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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