a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
