Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
