one two three fourrrrnication!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
