i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
