hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
